My best effort

Dear Olivia,

I am up this morning thinking of you.  My senses have been keenly aware that you are semi-struggling with something that maybe you can't even understand nor have the words to tell me. 

I am not sure if you are simply exhausted, or just need us to tighten the ropes and gather our little family in closer together. 

Sunday I allowed you not to nap.  The thing is you needed to, you fell asleep on your chair at the dinner table.  For some reason, naps have become, no sleep has become your archenemy.  "Naps are bad," "I am not tired!" are some of the things you exclaim.  But you ARE, my daughter and it is okay to sleep.  It is okay to rejuvenate. 

After your hour long nap, you awoke, and forgotten your promise to eat all of your dinner, you mocked the pork that was BBQ'd, and after a brief battle, I took that pork and sent you to your room.  Dinner has also become a picky sort of thing that never existed previously. 

I am confused of how to help you.  It seems so little writing it out, but even yesterday you accidentally walked into a group of people while you were enthralled with the lemurs at the zoo, and this caused you to be so embarrassed, you went to the fence and would not budge. 

How can I help?  Do you need my help? 

I have noticed that I need to give you more freedoms and give you the ability to do things on your own.  I mean you are growing up whether I like it or not.  You are almost five (dearly me).  I long for the days I held you close.  How fast time goes, my daughter. 

You are growing up to be such a sweet, perspective, kind young lady.  Even at five you show this compassion and thoughtfulness that only I could pray to Heavenly Father for me to have. 

Sunday I then decided that I need to spend even more time enjoying you.  I have a hard time just seeing past the dirt on the floor, the dishes in the sink, silly things. 

So I quit looking at the dishes, and we played two games of Candyland, a rousing game of Angry Birds, and you went to bed smiling. 

Maybe that is all you need?  More of me, less of the running around from here to there? 

I love you, Olivia.  I am doing my best as a mother.  I am very concerned of your needs and want for you to grow up feeling loved, confident, capable, and know where you can always turn to-- your family.

I may make mistakes, fail, and have to restart again and again.  But I will never give up trying.  All I ask is that you forgive me in the process.

Love,

Your mama